Journey to SELF

Resolution 3: Homework Routine

2011-01-03T06:18:00.003-06:00

Today I am going to focus on the kid's homework routine. The goal is to actually do what I expect my own students' parents to do. This goal I know is going to be a work in progress because I get a feeling there is going to be a lot of resistance and a lot of moaning and groaning.

Resolution 2: One Hour Only!

2011-01-02T09:23:00.004-06:00

So I need to prepare a few things for my classroom (copies and such) for tomorrow. I plan on heading up to the school and being there for exactly one hour. "Why so specific on time?" you might ask. Well I often say I will go up to school and be gone for an hour. An hour gives way to two and so on. So I am resolved today to only stay one hour and have an action plan going in. This will entail making a list before I leave.

Update: I made it in and out in an hour. I didn't get to finish everything but I am happy with what I did accomplish and I am in the process of writing a list of things that will need to be taken care of first thing in the morning. Now to enjoy the rest of the day with the family! :)

Resolution 1: Remove Stickers From Nana and Rara's Windows

2011-01-01T19:45:00.003-06:00

The stickers have been there for 2 years. It was cute at first. The trip to Chuck E Cheese where they acquired the stickers was amazing. They were still small enough to go "awww that's adorable." Two years later it just adds to the messy look of my car! The cute is now annoying and the thought of cleaning them off just makes me cringe. So having removed the stickers from one side of the car, I was resolved to get the other window taken care of this morning. So here is the update.

Update: Stickers have been 90% removed. The best part of the experience is when I was almost finished and realized there was still a sticker in that little triangular part of the backseat window that was staring at me with it's motivational word "awesome". I have been defeated by the stickers. It was however a battle and not the war! :)

A Year of Resolutions

2011-01-01T19:24:00.003-06:00

You read it right! I have decided to take the concept of a New Year's Resolution and actually work to make it attainable. I think the only way to achieve this is to break it into smaller goals. So the question is "What is the thing that you are resolute about changing in your life?" Well it all comes down to getting a hold of my chaotic life and make it a little more manageable. Many might be sitting there and thinking that's quite a tall order. In fact, it is which is why I am going to bite off a little at a time. My idea is to firmly resolve to do one thing each day to make my life better. These little things will hopefully culminate in a more organized, centered, and happier me. Some of the tasks may seem silly but all of them are rooted in a struggle I have. If you happened on the blog and wish to share in my triumphs and failures please feel free to leave comments.

What I Learned Today

2010-09-26T16:27:00.002-05:00

I learned today that I have allowed several years to pass by without a clear feeling of being grounded. I suppose I just got caught up in everything going on around me and didn't take many opportunities to center myself. I know that all sounds a little vague. I always wonder how much of myself to put out there in regards to my blog. Not that there are all that many people following along. When I was younger, I always kept a diary. However, I never actually kept them. You see, as I would reflect back upon my writings, I would usually feel a sort of embarrassment at the thought of someone actually reading them one day. Isn't it funny how a diary is supposed to be about me and my innermost thoughts and I managed to negate that by making it about how other people would respond to it. I guess this blog is a little of the same thing. I want to move past that though. I want to make this about being real with myself and others. So my journey evolves. I will also be adding more to my parenting journey at my other blog nannarara.blogspot.com Can't wait to see where I end up! :)

SCRUMPTIOUS!

2010-03-22T19:14:00.002-05:00

Sauteed Chicken and Mushrooms

1. Saute mushrooms in olive oil and garlic add diced chicken with garlic and salt to taste.
2. Splash on Balsamic Vinegar when finished and toss chicken and mushrooms to coat.
3. Green Beans
4. Baby Greens / Goat Cheese / Vinaigrette Dressing
5. Kaiser Roll from Target Supercenter

Yields: One happy husband, family, and tummy

First anxiety attack...then VERA BRADLEY SALE!

2009-12-25T17:04:00.003-06:00

It is true I had a full blown anxiety attack today. It was really quite unnerving and I am pretty sure my parents think I am a basket case. Once I figure out what happened, I might chose to blog about it. As for the then...well Vera Bradley is having a sale that starts today on handbags in select colors. And although my paprika color is not on sale, I am thinking I can chose another color since the prices are just so good. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the possiblities. I also had a chance to clean out my closets yesterday and uncovered a massive amount of purses. I am thinking of doing a better job of incorporating them into my wardrobe. This will mean that I will have to stop the insane practice of shoving receipts into my purse. I will also need to keep a cosmetic bag and a bag to put a few other things inside the purse so I can easily swap out the contents when needed. Vera has helped me out by putting a few of her little bags on sale. YEAH Vera! Take a look for yourself and let me know what you think.

Blahhh Asthma

2009-12-23T17:34:00.003-06:00

So little Rara is having some asthma problems again. I took her into the doctor and they put her on a slew of medications to try to control it. I am glad we are working on controlling it but I must say it has a bit of control of us at home. We were planning a little trip with the grandparents but we had to cut that since she is sort of attached to the nebulizer for a while. My house keeps screaming at me to clean it. However, I rebel and continue reading between breathing treatments. The girls are out of control (much like the asthma). Too much TV! I am enjoying a break from work. I feel at times my work consumes me and I am not sure if it's because I truly love it or it's a diversion from other things in my life I should be more contemplative about. *note: write a post about the dysfunctional relationship I have with my work later in the week.* Oh on a side note....(see all this randomness happens when I am not focused on one thing) I begged my oldest daughter to go shopping with me. Nanna went but wasn't excited. How can you not be excited about shopping? Anyway we picked up a lot of fun accessories I will share with you in the next post.

I almost made it an entire year!

2009-12-19T21:41:00.003-06:00

I almost made it an entire year without blogging. I find myself with the urge to blog again so I thought for anyone out there that is still interested in hearing about my mundane life, I would indulge you. My students at school got me a very nice holiday gift of gift cards. The presented it to me on a gold metal tree thing. I wasn't sure how to repurpose it in my house. I actually had several ideas but for now a necklace tree won out! :) I now need to take some of those gift cards and get a few more sparkly things to display. :)

Seriously, I'm Lazy!

2009-02-18T20:44:00.004-06:00

I can't imagine there is any excuse for me to have waited this long to post to my blog. The only thing I can offer is I am lazy. Life seems to have swept me along for the past six months. Just a simple update for all those who might have an interest or have a recollection of who I even am. In August, I landed the perfect job and a fabulous school teaching with some amazing women. At first, I thought I would be teaching first grade. I, however, found my way to third grade. Granted after the initial shock of eight year olds, I totally fell in love with the assignment. DH (I need to figure out a cool nick for him) went back to working nights. At first I was so upset about the change, but now we have settled into the rhythm of his and my schedule and everyone seems copacetic with it. Besides that.... life keeps moving forward. Oh...I have also taken up writing another blog. I know there is a few of you out there that might be rolling your eyes thinking, "how could I possibly keep up with another blog when I don't even attempt to stay current on this one?" Well, in all honesty, I am not sure if I will but I can only try my best. The other one can be found under my profile and it's really a blog about my kids and the relationship I am building with them. I look forward to getting back into reading all the fabulous blogs I used to keep up with. I need a hobby and it seems like blogging is available.

"hmmmm......((what to say next))"

2008-07-02T18:17:00.003-05:00

This is what I was presented with earlier today. I usually never lack in the word department. I was on the phone with one of my dearest friends and there we were faced with the knowledge that neither knew how to proceed in the conversation. I wanted the words to make her feel better and she sensing how uncomfortable I had become, she quickly said "I have to go!" I put down the phone almost in a panic. No one wants their friend to struggle. I felt silly knowing that just the night before I was sitting on the couch listening to ABBA because I was in a funk. My funk is so far removed from the depression that paralysis and renders one immobile to move forward with the rhythm of life. No sooner had the phone settled into it's cradle that I yelled to both of my girls to get on their clothes and put on their shoes. I struggled in the car trying to figure out how to show up at my friends house and not make the situation worse. What I forgot is that friendship transcends answering the door in your pjs, showing up uninvited to offer a hug, and neglecting to brush your children's hair before leaving home. It means being there to just talk. It means sometimes bringing up things that might be too difficult to think about on your own. I stated earlier that being in a funk and depression are far different. Friendship however is always the same. True friends will challenge you past those dark moments in your life when you feel so alone.

By request...I will once again blog.

2008-06-29T19:16:00.003-05:00

I am sitting on my couch pondering what I can tell everyone that will be of interest. Lately things have been so hectic. We traveled to Indonesia and back. Some might be wondering where are the pictures. It is my intention to post them soon. However, soon is a relative term and since I will be starting my summer institute in a week...I am not too sure how soon figures into the time frame of my chaotic life. I really enjoyed my time in Indonesia. It was my first time out of the country and I truly spent my time there enjoying every aspect of my visit. As I post pictures I will write up some reflections. I am currently waiting to find out how I did on my state teacher exam. I completed the main one with ease but I keep on questioning myself on the latest supplemental one. My friend Tammy tells me to stop. She reminded me that I already submitted it so no sense doing the could have...would have...should have thing. I am also waiting to hear back about a job. It all sort of rests on this test and my scores and the interviews I went to. In other news, I have been focusing more on who I am as a Muslim. I wanted to come back from Indonesia with a sense of renewal. It didn't really happen. However, after I returned, I started looking at my girls and seeing how the time has been racing forward and I was seized with a kind of fear that I am not cultivating my family as far as the deen is concerned. I have lapsed in so many things as far as their Islamic education. I will try to utilize this blog to sort of "talk" all these things out. Maybe ya'll will have some saged words of advice.

I will sew today!

2008-04-21T08:13:00.001-05:00

I feel the itch today. I will post my attempts later this afternoon!

Creativity!

2008-03-23T15:23:00.006-05:00

My daughter's spring-break-away-from-home-bedroom-makeover! I had so much fun decorating this room while she was gone!

1st picture is a small painting I did on the wall. If you look really close you will see two small shelves I added to the wall. I painted them to give them the illusion they were part of the wall. I had these in my craft cabinet for about a year. They are actually wooden bookends I never got around to painting. Also all the cute lil creatures I got at Micheal's for 59 cents each.

2nd picture is the white table I got from IKEA about 3 years ago. I went out and bought a shelf at home depot for about 15.00 including hardware and brackets. The pails on the shelf I got at the Dollar Tree. They are originally hallmark and were marked at 6.95 a piece.

3rd picture is the bed. We got that a few years back at a garage sale. It was actually the top of a bunk bed but we stripped it and painted it white. I got the bed for 5.00. The bedspread is from IKEA and we have had it for a long time. It has dragon flies...what better to use for our bug room! I also painted a dragonfly above the bed and used some old chalkboard paint I had from the garage to paint the chalk board on the back of her wall.

4th picture is our storage area. The bookshelf I picked up at a garage sale for seven dollars. I bought the buckets you see for 99 cents at the 99 cent store. I also put an old pair of Hana's rain boots on the top to hold flowers and wooden face masks. The boots act as really great book ends. The rug I picked up at target for 9.99 I also have a wooden house and gazeebo I bought at hobby lobby on sale. I am in the process of painting the house. It's a slow process. Inside the house are some really cute peg people I painted.

The only thing that is not show in the picture is I ran a small clothesline on the wall under the shelf with cute little clothespins I got at IKEA a few years back. Now the girls hang all their art work for everyone to see!

Please leave a comment or suggestion! :)

Is dailylight savings time messing with you?

2008-03-11T22:33:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling terrible since Saturday. I took a three hour nap in the middle of the afternoon today, almost didn't make it in time to pick up dd #1, and am incredibly greatful my dd #2 didn't tear the house apart while I was napping. This is the one time I am going to say "Thank God" for TV. Wait I'm not done...I still have to rant. It has been absolutely beautiful the last few days. Problem is I want to be outside working in the garden. This can not happen since it's like a swamp in our backyard since the rain and slight snowfall last week. I don't feel up to making mudpies...although I know dd #2 would love it! I don't know why I am all disgruntled...I am going to blame it on hormones but I always have this fear it is something else. Do any of ya'll ever have the "OMG what if I have cancer and given only a few months to live" irrational thing going on inside your head. Ever since I was in High School I have these feelings off and on that death is immenent. OK...now I know most of ya'll are thinking..."huh? she's a bit out there!" I contend however that I am completely sane. I just worry a lot. I honestly believe it is hereditary...my Grandmother was a tour de force when it came to worry. I guess by making such wild statements I am really saying "am I really doing what I am supposed to be with my life." Now I want to make this disclaimer before you continue reading because in no way am I writing the following because I am questioning my decision to become a Muslim but I have been thinking about where I came from with my Christian upbringing lately. When I was 12 years old I started attending a Southern Baptist church. This sent my pentacostal mother in a talespin. Forever after that I was labeled the black sheep of the family. I was saved at 12 and I remember feeling a calling to the ministry soon after. I was about to enter a seminary when I reverted to Islam. So I often think back that moment when I felt I was being called by God to do something. I don't want to dismiss that feeling...I don't know maybe I should *shrug*. But the fact is that I feel most of my life I have been running from what I should be doing. I feel that until I am doing it I will never feel comfortable with my situation. Now granted at this point I would understand if some of you that are reading this suggested counseling, but I really just want someone else to say they can relate.

"Girls Day Out" and other "Random Thoughts"

2008-03-01T22:16:00.003-06:00

My dear friend from college has been trying to get me to go out for lunch for months. I finally told husband I was taking the afternoon for an outing. So we started with lunch at La Madelines. It was my first trip and I was loving it. They have the most scrumptious tomato soup. We then proceeded to hit the office supply stores. There is something about the disfunctional relationship between teachers and office supplies. After exhausting ourself there we went to the Container store, followed by a teacher's store, and ended up at the craft store Micheals. Before we reached our final destination, I was doing really well with the pocketbook. Things changed at Micheals. I ended up carrying out several pens, papers, stamps, and a cute scrapbooking caddy that I will use to put all my supplies in on the days I substitute teach. My friend and I had a great day and I came home energized. Upon my arrival at home, my husband and daughter bombarded me with questions about where their next meal was going to come from. I offered to take everyone out for kabobs but hubby said it was too pricy and told me to go and get some tacos. So no sooner did I arrive home that I had to jump back in the car and go on a food run. I was delayed by a train that was unusually long. I thought it a good opportunity to do some people watching. The girl in the car behind me was visably annoyed by the train. The police officer to the front right of me seemed to enjoy the trains passing. I was a bit conflicted at first. I wanted it to be a short train so I could be on my way. This impatience slowly changed upon observing the girl behind me. Due to her annoyance she finally picked up her cell phone and was very dramatic in her facial expressions as she told the person on the other line about her having to wait on the train. I began to wonder if people were looking at my expressions to guage what I was feeling. I finally decided to enjoy the cars as they moved down the track. I found all the grafitti to be quite interesting. I wondered what stories the train could tell if it could just speak. Where was it going and from where had it come? Did the conductor enjoy his travels? It truly brought a smile to his face as he leaned out of the engine and waved at the policeman sitting in his cruiser. In that moment did the child in both of them long for the adventures of the other? In all honesty, I was saddened as the last car rounded the final curve. The presence of the train in my life caused everything to stop. I was forced to sit there and wait. There was no where else to go. I could have drowned out the experience with my radio or felt compelled to pick up something to read. I opted to stay in the moment and experience it. I forced myself to look at those around me in an attempt to understand something of myself.

Already Missing Her!

2008-02-21T09:53:00.003-06:00

So I am preparing for my mom and dad to visit this evening. I am cleaning the house, doing laundry, and *pause* (insert sniffle) packing up dd #2's suitcase. She will be spendinng a week or two with mimi and poppy so I can paint the walls. I am watching her play right now and she seems so excited to be leaving me (I know I am being dramatic!) She just finished zipping up her suitcase and managed to lift the case off the kitchen table. She's only four but already so determined. What will it be like when she is older stepping away from us to embark upon her own life, start her own family, assert independence. It's all a bit overwhelming. I love that she is so happy. I think it is fantastic that she loves spending time with her grandparents. I suppose I just wish she would afford me the knowledge that she will miss me. *pause* (searching for tissues).

I love my house! Alhamdulillah

2008-02-20T08:21:00.002-06:00

Well I know that was a bit random, but I do heart my home. It's small, quaint, and has a cottage feel. DD 1 wants to move into a bigger house but I don't want to give this little gem up. Sometimes I understand where she is coming from. However, I have great plans that I just need to implement. I am starting first with the walls. Next week I will attempt to sling some color on them when DD 2 goes tot grandmas for a weeks visit. I also plan on pulling all the weeds in the garden that I plan to plant in the spring. There is also the issue of picking up any stray trash that happened into the backyard on trash day when the wind was blowing down fences and trashcans. *pause reading that again* I just realized I used the word plan a lot...now I just need to figure out how to implement. Since my little spring cleaning frenzy last week, the house has managed to stay in order. Mom and Dad are dropping by for a visit tomorrow and I can't wait to showcase how clean and organized everything is to my OCD mother. Once the walls are painted I might even post a few pictures for all you to ohhh and ahhhh at. What simple thing would ya'll like to do to your home that you feel would make a big difference? :)

Are Danes Really the Happiest?

2008-02-18T08:56:00.005-06:00

I came across this topic after checking out 60 minutes. You can find the video clips here: http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/140/happiness ! I was prepared to discuss my findings and my interest in why we as Americans rank so low on the happiness scale. I will however discuss this after I bring to light something my husband told me. He has been very pacific asian centric as of late. So I was not all that suprised when he let me know that this was not the first study on happiness. In fact he told me there was a study done of a small island called Vanuatu. The Guardian published an article that stated the following: "Vanuatu comes top because its people are satisfied with their lot, live to nearly 70 and do little damage to the planet." Hmmmm they are satisfied with what they have and it appears they dont consume too much of their natural resources which means they are truly green! So does green = happiness...hmmm it would be something interesting to look into. You can read the article in entirety at the following website: "http://www.vanuatutourism.com/vanuatu/export/sites/VTO/en/activities/happy_vanuatu.html

So I guess my husband was right. There is something doesn't smell so right with the whole Danes are the "happiest people in the world". My husband believes that the British just found it too disturbing to think someone on some small pacific island could be happier than someone in the West. Seems a little eurocentric *raised eyebrow*. Either way one thing really came to light in both research projects. Americans are miserable! It even appears that Big Industrial Nations fare the worst! So what is the conclusion....we want STUFF! I want stuff! I spent 2 hours last night on my computer wanting STUFF from IKEA! The other intresting finding was that the Danes have modest expectations. Therefore, when something went well it went really well. Here in America, if something goes well it could have gone better. This has really got me thinking. Less consumerism increased environmentalism = simplification. Hmm so interesting, I don't think this will be the last you hear from me on this subject.

Magazine Obsession

2008-02-16T14:09:00.003-06:00

So today I was at the Dollar General picking up a new mop and some various other items when I get to the checkout stand and glance out the front windows at the gloomy rainy day. I then glanced to my side at the magazine racks. I thought maybe curling up on a my couch with a nice warm blanket with a few magazines might be just what I needed to get through the blaahhh of the day. So these were my picks. I wonder if they are reflective of who I am as a person. One of my best friends would have gone for people or some other celebrety tabloid. I feel embarassed even reading the front cover. I don't seem so ashamed when I am at home checking all the gossip websites. What I should feel is the shame of knowing that Allah is watching as I delve into the lives of others with perverse curiousity. I should feel shame in knowing that I worry more about the watchful eyes of the person behind me in linne. So I wonder if you were at the checkout stand about to purchase a magazine what would you pick up? I definently would have picked up a real simple if they had one. I love that magazine but feel a bit confused when flipping through the mag. It doesn't seem at all simple. I suppose however, it is more simple than the self-made complicated lives we lead. Ahhh I hear the raining crashing into the roof and finding its way to the parched ground. I should take this opportunity to read now...ahh per chance to drift into a warm sleep.

Spring Cleaning! Hidden Treasures

2008-02-10T22:07:00.000-06:00

Well I have actually started spring cleaning a tad bit early. I felt compelled to begin after going out with my husband. Yes, we actually went on a date. It was actually to celebrate our 9 year anniversary. I still can't believe where the time has gone. Anyway, I came home after dinner and started moving furniture. Now for those that know me, moving furninture is very cathartic. It's my way to work through problems. There's something refreshing about creating something new out of something old. I felt so motivated in fact after moving furniture that I decided to tackle the whole house and start purging. Through this proccess I am finding a lot of old things I forgot I even had. My favorite find was a round crystal spherical vase. I inserted a candle and the light sparkling from it is breathtaking. I am finally feeling at ease in my own house. The clutter is being pushed out and I am actually enjoying the proccess. I believe this is metaphorical of our path in Islaam. I think we all need to take a spiritual spring cleaning. The treasure we might find could illuminate our lives beyond what we could ever imagine. I know for myself clutter in my life whether physical or emotional has really caused me to struggle with my faith and practice. I would love all of you to get a headstart on your spring cleaning. It would be great to hear what you have unearthed.

Giggle

2008-01-22T16:06:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in my daughter's room watching them play with playmobiles! OMG These toys rock! There's nothing like a German toy making company to make me feel all warm and fuzzy. My husband doesn't even mind me buying these toys. He marvels at the craftsmanship. I appologize for not blogging in the last few weeks. I have found a new website that I can't seem to shake. I never thought I would say "I can't shake this monkey off my back" So some of you may be asking, "what website is Ummhana totally gaga over!?" The answer is *DRUMROLL INSERTED* Sparkpeople.com It's like facebook for people who are trying to lose weight and develop a healthy lifestyle. The weird thing is today while I was checking the posts on my favorite spark team....Muslimah support team....I saw a post by none other than ummlayla...from blogspot.com/ummlayla. Now I don't have confirmation that it is her. I haven't recieved a sparkmail back from her (giggle they have their own email system). However, her profile says Wyoming. And well how many ummlayla's live in Wyoming. Wait how many people live in Wyoming?!!? Anyhow, I never thought I would get sucked into the vortex of a social network. This is so much different though! I know I am only trying to rationalize the countless hours I spend there reading posts, sending sparkmail, gaining spark points, and reading blogs (*gasp* they even have blogs) At this rate I might never come back to the old "internet" of my youth. Sparkpeople has their claws in me! I need an intervention!

Settling In

2007-12-30T15:43:00.000-06:00

I am so happy to be at home after spending a week with my parents. I love them but I know the noise level the kids bring during visits is hard for them to adjust to. Now that I am back home, I have spent a majority of my time cleaning up the house. The girls have been keeping me busy as well. While at my parent's house I got a chance to visit with a majority of my aunts and uncles. One aunt in particular has lost over 80 pounds! Obseity runs in my family and not even I have escaped it's grip. My mom and I decided to make a little wager to see if we can shed some of the pounds as well. I know one is not supposed to bet, Islamically speaking, but I felt this was not a bet since I wouldn't mind giving my mom the amount decided on to buy some new clothes if she lost more than I did by April 18th. I have started a food diary and reflection blog. You can find the link under the about me link. Note I am starting this before new years because I do not want myself or others to view it as a resolution.

"You just don't understand!"

2007-12-03T19:47:00.000-06:00

This from dd #1 who is all of six years old. Why do you ask would my "way too complex for me to ever get" child say this to me? I made a decision that due to her way over the top running around the room with reckless abandon, that she would have to go to bed at the same time as her younger sister. Note: we are only speaking of a mere 30 minutes. However, I can not grasp the feelings of a six year old nor understand her need to disregard house rules and specifically go against what I had said one minute earlier. I thought I would get such mouthiness from her when she was a teenager but apparently I am in for early onset attitude. Known to many of us as EOA. Wow we are missing two vowels...ymmm how can I rectify this.....How a bout early onset icky ugly attitude....I have know renamed EOA.....EOIUA. I guess I just needed to vent because I feel frustrated that I am not enjoying my children this evening. The day with dd #2 was fantastic....which is really weird since she is so high maintanence. Maybe I am just feeling frustrated that my house needs a good coat of painting on the inside. I thought my mom was going to take dd #2 for a week so I could tackle the job. However, she forgot she had some back proceedure coming up. So I sit in my hallway listening to the girls drift into sleep while looking at the walls with all their smudges and pen marks. My plan for this post was to discuss my ever expanding waist line. I will however save that for another day.

"Noodles" and shout out!

2007-11-27T13:05:00.000-06:00

The cry of the youngest daughter. She is of course Starving! I utilized the exclamation point for dramatic effect. DD #2 who is far from withering away from malnutrition is so dramatic when speaking of her desire to eat that one would think we withhold food from her. Just take a look at her and her roundness and one would be incredibly perplexed. DD #2 is just a product of our society that wants instant gratification. I wonder how much of this she learned from me? On a happier note, I am so excited that Ummlayla has finally visited my blog. I have been reading her blog for quiet a while but don't often leave comments. (NOTE TO SELF: Leave comments people might visit your blog) So this little shout out goes to Ummlayla. Please visit anytime.

Alert: Husband wants to go shopping!

2007-11-15T08:32:00.000-06:00

I am in awe that hubby is requesting a shopping trip. I realize it is to a hardware store but there is a dollar store right next door and well since we are out that means lunch at the resteraunt that is right down from the Islamic bookstore. We will hit the asian market at the end! How awesome is this! I hate doing it alone and I can hardly ever get hubby on board. DD #2 is so cute she looked concerned when we said we were going shopping and asked in an objectionable way "What about me!" Both husband and I looked at each other and giggled. I mean what does the four year old think....."mom and dad are leaving me at home to totally destroy the abode!" I think not! So it will be a fun experience. My goal for this morning is to go through my material to find something inspiring for the green swap I am participating in over at Farhana's blog. I am also determined to meet up with Billy (even if it is on tape) for some Tae Bo. I am also thinking of dusting off my cheapo stairclimber in the garage and getting on that a couple of hours before bedtime. I have to get rid of some of this girth around the middle. Even skinny hubby is getting a little of what he refers to "cholesterol" around his stomach. Oh well, things to do and places to go. Have a lovely day!

Amazing Weekend.....Fantastic Attitude

2007-11-05T08:55:00.000-06:00

I had a phenomenal weekend. It really wasn't any different from other weekends except now I am searching. I am working out my faith. Saturday I did a lot of sleeping since hubby was at home. It was so nice to just nap. I now have new found respect for my cat. That evening I kissed the lil ones on the forehead after giving them a bath and getting them in the pjs and bid the family farewell for the evening. I then got in the car and traveled to a small musullah for a halaqa where we will begin really studying the Quran. It's a small group and it was nice to have an open discussion about things. We then ate a lil dinner and sat around and chatted for a bit. Sunday was the day that I registered darling daughter 1 in Sunday School. The small musullah has very low student teacher ratio and I think Hana will do very well there. After school they had a picnic in the park and I just couldn't pull myself away from the fellowship and yummy hamburgers (not sure what spices they put in there but I am sure there was an addictive additive mixed in). So today is Monday. Most people would groan about such a thing. I, myself, find Monday's difficult because dd 2 is without dd 1 and is very high maintanence. However, today she seems a little more calm and self directed in her play. She even helped me hang up clothes! It's all very unprecedented. So my question becomes does this positive attitude affect her and make her feel more at ease? I am guessing the answer to that is yes. Today is the start of a lot of things for me. I will do a bit of study of the Quran this morning and then this afternoon I will kick out some cardio. In between all this fun stuff is grocery shopping but even this annoying task is not going to get me down! :) I pray all of you have a fantastic attitude and day!

Where have I been?

2007-11-03T09:56:00.000-05:00

Well I have taken a few days off from blogging. This will most likely be a weekly break. I usually substitute teach on Thursdays and Fridays and it completely wears me out. I was reading through my comments and was asked why Islamic School or Homeschooling was my only option. I didn't make the statement judgementally against public education which is the other choice. My daughter is currently in the public school and so far so good. Once she finishes her 5 year dual language program, I hope to go back to working in an Islamic school having created a dual language program in English and Arabic. If this does not work out I will then look into homeschooling because I think I have seen amazing results from a dear friend of mine that homeschools her three childrenn. (Shout out to Hanane) I think often times those that chose public school do so not really seeing there are other options. I honestly don't have a gripe with public school. What I have a gripe about is people who put their kids into the public school arena and then stick their head in the sand. No matter what choice a parent makes as far as education for their child they must be involved and active in it. I better get off my soap box. Wishing you all a great weekend!

There are just days that a title doesn't come to mind!

2007-10-30T08:05:00.000-05:00

Today started really well. DD#1 got off to school. It's mix-matched day at school and so I sent her in different color socks and a long sleeve shirt under a purple lavendar striped short sleeve shirt. Quite an ensemble if I do say so myself. It made me giggle a little because last year when I was working at the Islamic school we tried to do a school spirit week. I know we didn't call it school spirit because I don't think it would have gone over well. Well the whole concept didn't go over well. We had one parent that was indignent about the whole thing. Thought the concept of mismatching was very unislamic. He never did bring any proofs though just a lot of ranting and raving. We decided this year for me to stay home and since we live in a small town outside of a larger time we also decided to send our child to *gasp* dare I say public school (doom and gloom music in the background). Our school district started a pilot program for dual language. One day Spanish one day English. DD is doing exceptionally well in this program and will follow it through for the next 4 years. At that time we will transition her over into either an Islamic School or homeschool her. I hope as she goes through this program I can begin to work on a model for Islamic schools here that will put more emphasis on the Arabic. Having worked in an Islamic School over the last 10 years I have seen that student's command of the Arabic is little more than a novelty. We desperately need people to translate works from Arabic into English for the growing number of reverts out there seeking good sound Islamic knowledge. Anyway back to telling you how well my day started. I also got all the beds made and it looks like today I will focus on some more laundry, my desk, and the kitchen. I will be visiting a sister from Yemen later this morning. It seems that in the whirlwind of Ramadan and a bad case of strep we had earlier this month that I have neglected the rights of my neighbors. She lives less than 5 miles away and I have not contacted her since she had us over for Iftar a month ago. I need to work harder and strengthen the sisterly bonds I have. It seems there is a lot of stuff going on around here. My dear friend's father in law is coming for a visit and her house is busy and excited about the arrival. I feel it's a bit contagious. I feel all festive myself. I am a little jealous though (hope you are reading this Hanane), because she is going to have tea made for her and some really awesome salads. I hope someone *HINT* invites me over for left over salads. So I posted a few things I came across today while surfing the web. While I was visiting Zaytuna for my daily dose of wisdom I cam across the following.

We bestow Our bounty upon anyone We will. We do not let go waste the reward of the righteous people; yet the reward of the life in the Hereafter is much better for those who believed and behaved in a God-fearing manner. [Quran 12:56-7]

May Allah increase our Emaan and may we seek to do more righteous deeds to attain Jennah...Ameen!

As for the next nugget of wisdom, I came across it at a local masjid's website's Hadith of the week!
حدثنا عبد الله بن محمد قال: حدثنا أبو عامر العقدي قال: حدثنا سليمان بن بلال، عن عبد الله بن دينار، عن أبي صالح، عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
(الإيمان بضع وستون شعبة، والحياء شعبة من الإيمان).
Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya (This term "Haya" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self respect, modesty, bashfulness, and scruple, etc.) is a part of faith."Bukhari - Volume 1, Book 2, Number 8:

Isn't amazing that it gives self respect as a concept under Haya. RESPECT ladies. We might have the ability to pass this out to everyone in our life with the exception of ourselves. So come on sisters give yourself a little R E S P E C T!

People need to get their head out of the apples!

2007-10-29T11:09:00.001-05:00

So I am guessing this is the best time to blog. DD #1 is at school and DD #2 is keeping herself occupied with drawing (on paper I hope). I think today I would like to contemplate why I have an aversion to staying home. I suppose if it were a multiple choice quiz it would read like this:

a) avoidance (spanning from housecleaning to actually reflecting on my life)
b) ohhh crud I think the answer is a and I can't fool myself into believing there might be other answers.
c) sigh

Even when I was teaching I was never really good at writing multiple choice tests. After reading Safa and Ummlayla's blog yesterday the theme seemed to be tiding up and organizing. So I threw myself into it around noon and actually got a lot done. The thing I didn't get done was dinner. So I threw myself and the kids in the car and drove to KFC for some drive thru. I also decided to get dressed up for hubby. This so never happens. I put the girls to bed and actually put on a skirt, brushed my hair, and dare I say put on a little make up. The girls, who were not sleeping, tippy toed out of their room to catch a glimpse of the diva that I am. They giggled and said such precious words. "Wow! Mom...you look so pretty. Your not a mom...you're a princess." *BLUSH* Those darn kids are just fabulous. Admitedly I have gained over 50 pounds since having them and have done little of nothing to take it off. However, I was looking in the mirror a few days ago and thought "hmmm your not so bad looking." Believe me I am not really vain. I just thought it was strange that I spent time looking at myself in the mirror and that I found what I saw there not too shabby. Well moving on. I did it I woke up for FAJR and I actually participated in it. Now I know some of ya'll are thinking....."that's a no brainer...you're supposed to participate" and yes I know but knowing and doing are two different things. Like I know I shouldn't get mad and say inappropriate things. Case in point. Yesterday, while driving through the drive thru of KFC I was told my chicken strips would not be ready for another four minutes. I then asked "so what's the proper procedure here? Do I pull up..and you bring it to me." The girl looked indignent and said "well we can give you something else" I am thinking "I didn't order something else I want the chicken strips!!" I politely smiled and so I'll just drive around and pick it up. My daughter was like "MOM we are in our pjs (arghh again thinking in my head pjs for 6 year olds are not scandalous)" So I have to drive back around and get back in line so I sort of snorted about it and dd #1 asked "what's wrong mom!" to which I responded "oh it's nothing....people just need to get their heads out of the (you an fill in the blank)." So my daughter responds...what did you say mom? Did you say people need to get their heads out of their apples." I sighed a deep sigh of relief that she didn't hear what I muttered exactly.

A release

2007-10-28T12:17:00.001-05:00

You know blogs are a funny thing. They are like a diary for the whole world to read. If your lucky you will come across jewels in the blogosphere. Raw emotions and amazing reflections on life. I feel that this is what happened to me yesterday. I was just catching a wave and I hit a big one. I have really been struggling lately with my faith. I don't struggle with the principles and I don't struggle with the absolute truth of it all. I have been waging a real spiritual struggle with myself. I am so scared to get connected. Not sure why. I mean what sort of horrible thing could happen if I just connect with the Creator. I feel that the rush and hurry of our lives in this society have just swept me away and I can't catch a breath. As a Christian growing up I always felt one day I would be traveling the world doing mission work. I wonder if the ache I have always felt was an ache for simplicity. I felt moving to the country would be a good start but I am still swept up in the current of western life. I think part of my problem is I have never really known real hardship. I have never experienced heartache in such a way that it rocks the very core of who I am. Hmmm not sure if that at all makes any sense but it's what I am feeling and well I thought I would throw it out there. Well enough of all that soul searching there are chicken corn dogs waiting for me in the kitchen. Dang those things are addictive.

FURRY!

2007-09-05T08:52:00.001-05:00

DCP_1082
Originally uploaded by writer_within

Yesterday, I opened up dd's homework folder only to find out that this coming Friday is teddy bear picnic. I found myself in a bit of a delima since I cleared out the girls room of all their stuffed animals. Any bear that we had is now snug in a plastic bag in the garage. If you are reading this Hanane, it is time to call in BPS (bear protective services). Not only does she have to have a teddy bear to bring to school, I am in the process of nursing a frightful cold. I was a bit concerned that if I didn't throw myself into this project right away, I was going to be too sick to complete it. So last night at 1:00 I was attatching the head. For a first attempt I think I did a pretty good job. Today, I plan on making the backpack that will hold all the bear items needed for a school sleepover. Can you believe it! The bears get to spend the night at school. I wonder what fun activities the bears have planned. I might have to investigate tomorrow after school and see what the bears are up to. I will post pictures when they become available.

Week 1 - Roasted Red Pepper Feta Spread

2007-09-03T16:48:00.001-05:00

DCP_1074
Originally uploaded by writer_within

So this was my first choice. I must say, if all the other Archer Farm Deli Spreads are this good, I will be pleasantly suprised. This is fantastic!!! I find myself creating opportunities to be in close proxemity to the sread. I have eaten it with wheat crackers, Frito Lay Scoops, Weight Watcher pretzel snacks. I think a bagel would be really great too. It would even make good pinwheels. The possibilities are endless!

Week 1 - Roasted Red Pepper Feta Spread

2007-09-03T16:22:00.000-05:00

So this was my first choice. I must say, if all the other Archer Farm deli spreads are this good, I will be pleasently suprised. This is fantastic!!! I find myself creating opportunities to be in close proxemity to the spread. I have eaten it with wheat crackers, Frito Lay scoops, Weight Watcher pretzel snacks. I think a bagel would be great too. It would even make good pinwheels. The possibilities are endless!

I heart Target

2007-09-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

It is true. I have something greater than an affection for super target. It's a passion of sorts. Some might consider it a dysfunctional relationship. Whatever you want to call it, I just can't stay away. Today I was there picking up the rest of my grocery items. Yes it's true I cheated on Target with Albertson's. But really it had to be done. They were *whisper to the side* having a buy one get one free special on meat! *GASP* Anyway back to my true love. I first started off in the dollar spot. Which was a good thing. They were pretty much cleared out and hadn't put out any new stuff. I then proceeded through the office supplies at a quick pace (I could bask for hours in this section running my fingers over packages of paper, caressing pens and pencils, and cuddling sticky notes). My children however, had other plans. They pulled me towards the toy aisles at lightening speed. It was all a whirlwind in that section. All I remember is pulling my children away from the vortex and managing to carry no toys with us. I was sure as we were leaving I heard the faint chants of toys crying "TAKE US WITH YOU!" Finally we arrived in the food section. After all that work, I was famished. I looked down at my five year old and told her "remind mommy not to go shopping when I am hungry." The thing that I love most about Super Target is the combination and tastes one can purchase. While standing at the Deli counter trying to decide what sort of cheese spread to get, I finally decided to start at the left and go right. I will buy one cheese spread a week until I try them all. As I sit and type this I think that sounds a bit indulgent. However, I rarely indulge myself in such things. Maybe Super Target is my saged guru. Maybe it is teaching me to take care of me and actually enjoy food. Allow food to nourish my spirit. Now that I feel all Zen I think I will go meditate with a nice cup of tea. I pray that you will find your Nirvana as well.....maybe not Super Target....although I am willing to share this special place with everyone.

Bachelors of Health Sciences????!!!!????

2007-03-27T06:34:00.000-05:00

What does this mean? I am not sure myself. I look at it from time to time and wonder why I have a degree that I can virtually do nothing with unless it is coupled with a masters. Now this wouldn't be that big of a deal if my husband wasn't so relenteless about it. He keeps on asking me what I can do with my degree. I keep on saying "nothing"! Apparently with his limited english proficiency he is just not getting it. Sorry RANT! I will find something more cheery to blog about later.

"I feel pretty...ohhh so pretty" sung in the wrong key!

2006-10-01T23:25:00.000-05:00

I want to walk into a store and just go crazy buying clothes! Ok, really what I want to do is look like a supermodel, not a waif one but a curvy one. Doesn't really matter as long as I can wear any pair of clothes I pick off the rack. Today I learned a great lesson in humility. Some clothes, no matter how cute and trendy they are, were not made for me. It took staring at myself in the changing room mirror to gasp and mouth the words "what was I thinking". Two armloads of clothes dwindled down to two pairs of pants, a sweater, a "everyone needs one" grey t-shirt, necklace, and purse. I felt a little bad about the purse. It was the last one in the store and it was marked down. It was also hanging on the hand of a maniquin. I'm sort of thinking she really does not need before mentioned handbag. I really want to wear some of my new gems but they will have to wait until the weekend due to our slightly repressive "shouldn't you be wearing a black abaya" teacher dress-code policy. *Shrug* rules are in place for a reason I suppose. Note to self - buy incredibly abnoxious shoes to silently protest before mentioned policy. I came home and fashioned my new wardrobe for my husband and he was dazzled. I then proceeded to *gasp* clean myself up a bit. I am actually contemplating highlights in my hair. I put on a necklace my husabnd gave me a year ago when he returned from Indonesia. I asked him how he liked it. He responded "it's nice". I then raised an eyebrow and asked "you gave me the necklace (insert foot tapping) don't you remember." He turned away from the computer and said "ohh is that the one that I gave you when we first got married?" I laughed a bit and reminded him that this is the necklace his sister probably told him to buy for me on his last trip. I don't really understand. I mean he can't get confused aboutthe small handful of jewelry he has showered...err I mean tossed my way.

Growing Pains

2006-10-01T00:23:00.000-05:00

8 years old. That is how old I feel as a Muslim. I had the opportunity to share my story of reversion with about 25 girls today. It was really quite amazing. We started out making dhikr and a story about Adam (as). The girls ranged in age from 8-22. And what amazed me most is that so many of them had questions after I was finished. They are so bright and really excited about Islam. I think as Muslims we have an incredible opportunity with these children. Inshallah it is my sincere prayer that my daughters will desire to actively participate in their community like these girls. One girl asked me if I ever once regretted my decision to become Muslims. I honestly had to sit and think about it for a few moments before giving an answer. I really thought about the last eight years and I truly believe that I have never regretted my decision. Rather , I explained to the girls that I miss the feeling I had as a new Muslim. The curious and exhilarating feeling one has when they learn something new for the first time. Every time I would learn a new Surah or understand a concept in Islam I felt the jubilation that a child feels when they stand for the first time. The whole world was perceived through a different lens. One in which I could, and I would, be victorious. However, as time past I felt the shaky uneasiness of doubt. Not doubt in belief but rather doubting my own capabilities. Isn't that what a child does as they grow older? Maybe the emergence of doubt is what preserves us. It stops us from doing foolish things that could cause us harm. Maybe I am confusing doubt with cause and effect. I know there must have been a pivotal moment in my life when I stopped sailing down "suicide mountain" on my bike with my feet out to the side (in those days the breaks were connected to the pedal)because I doubted I would make it to the bottom in one piece. *Heavy Sigh* Now I am beginning to believe that doubt and fear are close friends. Maybe this is all just a matter of semantics. When does one cross the line from positive doubt, the doubt that allows us to cautiously proceed forward, and the dibilitating doubt that keeps us fixed in one place. I will have to revisit this thought after I make a trip to the mall for a new pair of shoes. When it comes to shopping there is little doubt.

....What You Might Have Been.

2006-09-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."
-George Eliot

As a child I believed I could become whatever was played out
in my imagination. However, I did not take into account how
time would remove me from the innocence of childish daydreams
and fanciful aspirations. With age came a constructed reality
in which insecurities would rob me of the joy of who I could be.
I recieved a call the other day from a dear friend. She was so
excited because she was going back to school. A few days later
I recieved another phone call from a friend who had served her
husband with divorce papers. Another friend told me today that
she was leaving some things in her past and moving forward into
the future. These three dear friends may become what they "might
have". I too stand at a crossroads. I wonder if I will really
take this opportunity to embrace who I am with all of my talents
or continue to retreat into the shadows of who I am longing to be.

Country Road.....!

2006-09-16T22:40:00.000-05:00

I believed that the urban life was where it was all at. I mean look at all the culture one can glean under the skyline of any major metropolitan area....Ballet, Symphony, Art Galleries and Museums. I did not, however note that closer proximity with neighbors and fellow urbanites would create a deeper chasm in establishing meaningful relationships. The urban culture has become a fine oiled machine cranking out a product of overworked, desensitized human beings. The rhythm of the city is quite compelling. Yet, it is not satiating. I wish as a child I had allowed myself the opportunity to feel the rhythm of country life. Now at the age of 31, I am relishing in the country life. Having moved to a smaller "country" town, (ok now we have a Wal-Mart and urban sprawl has gotten a hold of the town) I struggled for several years to truly enjoy it. There is something charming about being able to walk to the grocery store, school, library, park, or downtown. I want to slow down enough to teach my children to truly feel the rhythm of nature. I want my rural experience to match the experience of Thoreau at Walden Pond.

Putting things off

2006-06-16T01:47:00.000-05:00

I am confronted with the reality that I put things off. Why do today what you can do tomorrow? Hmmm then it all just piles up and there is so much to do that it will take a whole week to mire through it. I was thinking about my mother and her effortless way of just getting everything done. The dictionarty defines procrastination as to put off habitually doing something that should be done. Habit! *Sigh* I concur it is a habit. An incredibly bad habit.

Anybody Can Write!

2006-01-14T16:25:00.000-06:00

I have decided to read Anybody Can Write: A Playful Approach by Roberta Jean Bryant again. I think I am going to dedicate the next few months of entries to my aspiration to become a writer. I hope to share with others, struggling along this path, what I have learned. Bryant quotes Pearl Buck (novelist and Nobel Prize recipient) on the subject of creativity. She said:

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abdormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, and a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create--so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency, he is not really alive unless he is creating."

Now there is something in this statement that resonates with me. The notion that the creative person is sensitive intrigues me. Having had such words as sensitive and fragile ascribed to me throughout my life, I feel that Buck intimately knew me and my struggles. However, I am a bit conflicted with the use of the words create and creating. I feel that these words are reserved for God alone. I feel that there is a very real possibility that when one creates they lend themselves to arrorgance. Maybe there is a fine line that the artist must walk. It probably goes back to intentionality. What do I intend to achieve through my creativity. Is it a glorification of God or myself?

Old Writing...Same Sentiment!

2006-01-10T17:20:00.000-06:00

Six years ago when I became a Muslim, I did so with a minimal of outside influences. I remember feeling a sense of contentment knowing that I found a truth in Islam that was not biased by people. I even remember feeling pride when telling people I refused to meet with Muslims until I took my Shahadah, because I knew they could only give me a dim reflection of what Islam was. There I sat in my ivory tower suggesting that Muslims were like dusty fractured mirrors. Then came the Shahadah - declaration of faith. I was whisked away in the euphoria of knowing that I was making the right decision. Yet, there was a part of me that was also mesmerized by cultural practices and people that were as colorful and breathtaking as a fine Persian rugs. I surrounded myself with the very people whom I tried so hard to stay away from. People whose intentions were not the best and others whose ideologies were embedded in a web of bitterness, insecurities, and ignorance. I wanted to be accepted into these groups and did so with reckless abandon to my own spiritual needs. After two years, I felt like a ship that had been tossed around on a turbulent sea. I was heart sick and left dazed. I still held to the belief that Islam was truth, but despaired that I could never live up to the standards that had been set before me. Life had become a series of frustrating ups and downs. I would go to extremes. One minute I would move away from my religious obligations and then be snapped back by an incredible sense of guilt that I should be a far better Muslim, which I had allowed to be defined by Muslims who held very radical views. It took the birth of my second daughter, Noora, to make me realize I was lacking authenticity. How fitting that my daughter, whose name means light, illuminated my life and brought me to a greater understanding of who I am as a Muslimah. She has inspired me to ?get it together? for the sake of her and her sister. She is counting on me to be a guide in her life. All other people blur together in the background of my religious thought. And that is the way it should be. That is what I intended when I first became Muslim. It is now with a great amount of resolve I move forward cultivating the soil of my family to bring up children who understand who they are as servants of God. I pray and strive for a time when my girls will stand up in truth against oppression and evil. I pray that they are the mirrors that so many of us have been unable to become, because we have allowed our own thoughts and ideologies to become fractured. I pray that the dust of anger and bitterness does not encrust their mirrors. May our children be clear reflectors of our deen. Ameen.

2005-11-27T09:22:00.000-06:00

Well today is the day! I woke up with a terrible cold and a determination to just make my life situation better. I really believe that this new found zest for life is directly related to me taking my thyroid medicine on a daily basis. Note to self: Take thyroid medicine after blogging. Ok so I have decided that I am going to attempt some home improvement projects. I really want to put new sinks into the bathrooms (IKEA of course) and I would love to rip out the cabinets in the kitchen. Note to self: Start saving more money. So the plan for today is to go to a weight watchers meeting and work on getting this fluff under control. Lately I have begun thinking I am way too fluffy for my own good. The house was really clean when I woke up this morning and then the kids and husband woke up and so I will have to set up a time for a thorough cleaning. I also would like to write a little today. I wanted to pick up a few books to read at the library yesterday. But alas the place was closed. How depressing the scene was. I totally hyped it up to the kids. They were all dressed and their hair was neatly done. I even put on their "I'm in the winter reading club" pins. We drive up the building and there are no cars. I thought surely there must be some mistake. It's Saturday! For heaven's sake should people have gotten over this whole turkey day thing. But NO!!!!! It was closed. What really erked me about the whole thing is I checked online before I even packed the kids in the car with promises of picture books. It only said the library would be closed Thursday and Friday. ARGHHH oh well maybe I will stop by Barnes and Nobels on the way home and endulge myself in a book from the bargain shelves. I am off to walk the treadmill. InshaAllah I will get around to brainstorming ways to create an enchanted garden in the side yard. *SNAP BACK TO REALITY* LESSON PLANS ARE DUE TOMORROW!!!!!! Personal Note to self: Mantra for today - I will smile and laugh today a little more than I did yesterday!

IKEA on the brain!

2005-11-26T22:36:00.000-06:00

I get payed on the first and I am already starting to plan my next trip to IKEA. I think there is something evil about the store. I ate their a few times. I am sure they must put something in their macaroni and cheese that makes one yearn to stroll their showroom on at least a monthly basis. I found myself cleaning the house today contemplating how I could decorate the kitchen/breakfast nook. I uttered such phrases as "I think a round table would look far better in this area than this old rectangle thing." I then shuttered at the thought I was buying into this whole consumerism thing. I mean the table I have is just fine. It really doesn't fit in the area but I just sort of put it at a different angle and it seems to give a new effect to the room. I just finished baking cookies and as I plopped onto the couch to nibble away I grabbed the cursed catalog and flipped to the houseware section and thought "what can I buy to make my cooking experience easier." So I guess the great delima now is to decide how much money to budget for my trip to IKEA and what day to go when my husband can watch over the children. There is something about taking them with me that robs me of the joy of mindlessly wondering the floor obsessing about things I want to buy but things I never will because I just can't justify doing so.

a job, a cat, and very little time!

2005-11-25T16:42:00.000-06:00

Hmmmm. I thought maybe I should give this blog thing another try. I have been away for so long that I am not even sure where to begin. I have re-entered the work force. I am not sure how exciting this is. The only strong emotion I have is frustration because I am tired most of the time. I admitedly like having money but I question the decision to go back to teaching. I feel this weird sense that I am pouring myself into 16 other people's children and limiting myself in how much I am able to contribute to my own children. I then look around my house and gasp at the clutter and chaos that awaits me. The problem is it keeps waiting because I have such limited time. I dread opening the laundry room. The thing that really saddens me to the core is that one of the reasons I decided to return to work is I was loosing my mind (and I do mean literally - thank god for therapy). I feel that if I hadn't gone back to work I would have lost it completely. Yet when I really think about that I think maybe it's an issue of running away from my problems. So what are my problems. Good marriage, two children that are cute as buttons. Ohhh yeah that's right those are all external factors and the problem isn't with these things it's a problem with me. Dangit...it would just be so much easier to blame someone or something else for my own discontentment. Well this is making me contemplate too much...and that my friends can be a dangerous thing. So what about the cat? I have one now. Until next time.

Mother, Sister, Daughter, Wife...all around not very happy person!

2005-06-04T16:40:00.000-05:00

Curtain Call

I stand upon the stage of life
begging for acknowledgement
of my performance.
The applause never comes.
I am met with apathetic stares.
The curtain falls.

I play the script out with
exact precision.
However, I yearn to create
my own manuscripts.
I wish to create characters
that I might delight in playing.

I wish to applaud my own
performance not seeking out
the accolades of others.

A bit carried away

2005-05-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

One might assume that when everyone got well, I made a quick dash for the house and haven't returned. I did get back into my weekly routine, which in turn kept me away from my blogging duties. However, I have no real excuse for not getting back to my blog. Life just seems to move on sweeping us along with it. Weather here in Texas has been very warm the last few days. In fact, last night it was 95 degrees at 7:00 pm. The family raided the freezer and we stumbled outside to the patio to devour chocolate icecream bars. Noora made us all laugh at her inability to eat her bar with any sense of grace. She was one big sticky mess when it was all over. Now do you think I would let her back into the house in such a condition. NO WAY! That's when I decided to utilize the garden hose. The girls enjoyed splashing around. My dh even enjoyed a cooling off. I thought he looked very funny standing there in his dripping sarong. However, he had other plans. He managed to attain retribution by dousting me with gallons of water. I am not sure the last time we giggled so much! Family is such a wonderful thing! If you are without one...I would highly recommend getting one as soon as possible.

The four walls are caving in! Must get out of my humble dwellings!

2005-04-23T18:19:00.000-05:00

Well today I am feeling much much better. However, it was a bit chilly outside. So we opted to stay inside and go absolutely stir crazy. I took an afternoon nap. Nice but woke up a bit groggy. Oh wow just looked up and saw a spell check feature. Need to remember to utilize it. I suppose the only reason I continued to abuse myself by teaching kindergarten was the realization I could successfully spell words like dog and cat. I do have some sad news. We had a beautiful morning dove nesting outside our den window in a tree. For several days it was there snuggling it's little eggs...Now it is gone. Eggs still there but no mommy bird to sit on them. Since I have been sick I hadn't been checking so who knows how long they have been without the comfort of "birdie" *SIGH* I hate to think what might have happened to the poor dear. I settled down earlier in the easy chair, while the girls were playing legos and train. It was nice to have an opportunity to read. I am on a quest to read all of the surahs revealed in Medinah. "Why so?" you ask. Well, I guess the fire and brimstone of the Mecca surahs were not helping me in my spiritual journey. Don't get me wrong...I believe they are absolutely necessary. However, I just love learning about the Surahs that were being revealed while the Muslim Ummah was in Medinah..Cultivating itself. I feel like I am cultivating as well...Silly Spring Season. So today was Surah an-nur......I love this Surah....so many beautiful words. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the Muslims in Medina to hear such words. So prepared to take in knowledge. So in tune with God and the Messenger. Can't wait until darling husband comes home so I can discuss it further with him. Okie got to finish making the soup. Children are running around chanting "hungry!!!"

Ummhana

What kind of sick behavior is this?

2005-04-22T13:47:00.000-05:00

So here I am sick *cough* *cough* and I am cleaning the house. I rearranged all the furniture in the living room and just got done mopping the floors. What makes this even more disturbing is that the kids are asleep and I am cleaning. Honestly, fevers are supposed to create weird dillusional behavior. My fever broke last night! ARGHHH. So I am thinking this is sick behavior. I mean shouldn't I be indulging myself while the kiddos are napping. I mean wouldn't a normal sane person be reading and eating chocolates, or relaxing in a nice warm bath? Oh well *shrug*. Another thing popped into my head while I was cleaning. Sisters are dropping in for a get together next Thursday. I know, if you were here you would sit me down and pat me on the hand and say "dear don't worry you have a whole week to prepare!" But oh not I....I am such a great mix of both my mother and father. My mom the clean freak and my dad the compulsive anxiety ridden worrier. So, we have this little tiny cottage home and people keep on calling and saying they are coming and bringing along friends! Oh my head is swirling now. What I was going to say earlier is that I want to be one of those women that finds amazing satisfaction out of their pristine home. I also want to be a hostess extrordinare. I am thinking maybe the best thing to do is call in a cleaning lady and have the whole thing catered. But nahh that's no good then I wouldn't have a thing to work myself up about. So instead maybe I should make it a potluck and focus more on the cleaning. OK this has all been a bit too random. I hope you don't leave with a headache, but if you do please accept these two tylenol with my deepest appologies.

Ummhana

Ears, Eyes, and Throat

2005-04-22T01:05:00.000-05:00

Well went to the Doctor to find out what was going on with my family and all the sickness. It appears that not only do I have strep throat and a bladder infection, my darling daughter has a double ear infection. So this added on to other daughter's pink eye makes me want to laugh. This spring has brought us nothing but poor health. Oh well *shrug*. The thing that I dislike most about being personally ill is that I feel like such a bad mommy. The tv has been on non-stop and food has been less than fantastic. I haven't even wanted to venture into the kitchen. I really couldn't imagine being chronically ill so I should definently count my blessings. Well dd #1 is driving me crazy. I know now that the whole terrible two thing was a total sham. My daughter was so sweet at two...then she turned three. Having been a teacher and experiencing how girls get an attitude around 3rd grade, I am baffled by my three year old that says things like "It's my decision" when she doesn't want to do something I have asked her to do. I cringe with the word "fine" said in frustration when I ask her to pick up a toy she is no longer using. Today she was lounging on the couch...you know she too is not feeling well. I was on the phone with my mother and she wanted to talk to the little diva. Her response...."I can't mommy...I'm relaxing!" EGADS what three year old relaxes. I'm the one that needs to relax. Anyhow tomorrow is a new day and now that she herself is on antibiotics I am sure we will go back to her swinging off the ceiling fans...I am not sure if I am ready for that!

Ummhana

House of the Sick

2005-04-21T07:35:00.000-05:00

*sigh* It's been so long since I blogged. I am however, inspired by all the sister's I have been reading who blog on a consistent basis! Anyhow, I can't seem to get my clan well. One of us gets to feeling better and someone else comes down with something. Right now we have one UTI, one ear infection, and pink eye. DH woke up this morning with a sore throat. If anyone could give me the reference for sickness being an expatiation of sins I would feel alot better. I am going a bit stir crazy at home. Yesterday, I missed a halaqa! *sigh* Today, I am missing a playdate. I wish I didn't like human interaction so much! This is killing me. Ok enough of the glass is half empty!

Potty words!

2005-02-20T13:18:00.000-06:00

I know I should keep such things where they belong...the restroom. But around this house the potty travels. You see it's time I really try to potty train Hana. I realize this is not good polite discussion but I need to vent a little. Let me sum it up in four words...I Hate Potty Training! I am beginning to understand that my daughter is brighter than I think and she is, and as strategic as a chess player planning his next move. The potty has become a battle and she is winning! I had her sitting on her potty seat infront of the TV (hoping she would go) for 4 hours. I ran out of Disney movies and patience. She continued to wait me out as I pulled her potty seat into the living room to the coffee table so she could do some coloring. Surely she would go! But no....After another 12 books (each read with silly voices), she still hadn't tinkled. Not even a drop. Thank God it was beautiful outside. I pulled her chair outside and had her sit while we watched her little sister and dad play soccer. She wiggled and wanted to go play. I knew I had the upper hand! Alas, something she wanted to do. I grinned and said "When you tinkle on the potty, then you can go play soccer with daddy." No sooner did I say it she was screaming in delight "Look mommy...I did it!" So now I know it is possible. She doesn't have some rare "I have to potty only in my pants" disease. We did a happy dance and I let her run off to play with Dad. So I am now strategically planning how to get her to not poop in her pull up. Maybe for some a bit too much information.

Staring at the Calendar

2005-02-16T21:20:00.000-06:00

Where does the time go? Apparently it has been almost a month since my last posting. A dear friend keeps on reminding me that I need to keep up with this log because she can't seem to get enough of my "cute" (only a mother could think is adorable) stories about my children. However, I don't wish to be one of those doting mothers that uses this blog like a wallet full of adorable pictures of their "in reality" little ankle biters. Don't get me wrong I love my kids and I realize to a point my life is defined by them. But I want to define me as well and keep a small smidgen of my identity. I think this is the greatest gift I can give them. The knowledge that they can be and strive to be just what they want to be because, "Mommy does!" So what do I want to be today......??? I might have to give you an answer tomorrow. Ok lights out night night.

yawn sometimes it's so hard to wake in the morning

2005-01-18T08:10:00.000-06:00

Since it is so cold outside, I find it rather difficult to leave the warm shelter of my bed. However, it is quite difficult to ignore the frustrated cries of my lil toddler in her crib.
I dragged myself from the blissful warmth and threw myself into my daily routine. The girls and I had bowls of cheerios and some fruit. I know you are probably reading this yawning yourself. I don't think there can be too much excitement with simple routine. The girls really need the structure though. After breakfast Hana and myself proceeded to make up the beds and prepare for the morning video. (The reason I am even able to write this morning). Oh no here comes the lil one asking me to hold her. *Sigh* Now where was I. Oh yes the structured life of parenting. I often find myself wondering how I can meet their needs (stucture) and foster my own needs (spontaneous activities). *Pondering* ....*Still Pondering* I suppose I am not going to resolve that through sitting at the computer and writing my Blog. Anywhooo....I will leave it for now to go and throw myself into the warfare of diaper changing.

No more lease on life...I want to BUY!

2005-01-14T13:50:00.000-06:00

Today has been quite a challenge. First it started off with my beautiful brown eyed daughter at my bedside at 4 am thrusting her sippy cup in my face with a "got milk" ultimatum. I could either get up and find my way to the kitchen in my groggy state or lay there ignoring her waiting for the inevitable sippy cup tossed at my head. So, I opted for the first option and spent the next hour trying to get her to go back to sleep. This was a great segway into making breakfast at 5 for my departing husband. I was finally able to crawl back into bed at 6 only to find my darling daughter at 7:00 at my bedside telling me her little sister was awake. She neglected to tell me that her lil sister was awakened by her own poking and prodding through lil sissy's crib. *SIGH* So I am now sleep deprived and would give my right arm for a nap. Although I feel that today I am walking around in a haze (sleep deprivation) I had a really great conversation with a friend on the phone. We talked a lot about not letting fear of failure keep us from things we wish to persue. I think this blog is a first step for me in my desire to write. In my head I'm always thinking that I would love to be a "writer" . You sort of have to write though to hold on to any hope to one day being addressed as such. The other thing we discussed that I have really been thinking alot about lately is the lack of present day muslim role models for girls and young women. I think it is wonderful to read all the stories of the past but we have to take those women and their character and model ourselves after them in such a way that we create present day role models. I also think that I talk a lot and dream a lot but don't act a lot. So today my goal is to devise new ways to move past the stage of thinking and discussing and actually act. It will be scary and that fear is going to be there. The fear of failure. But I am tired of just leasing life. I will write more on this topic later....when I can be a little more coherent and a lot less sleep deprived.

Anchors Away

2005-01-13T06:02:00.000-06:00

I am a little excited and a little concerned about this journey. I feel this blog is just what I need to get ideas down on paper in a way in a safe environment. I have sort of been going through the motions of life lately....ok for years and I just feel I have lost myself somewhere in the process. It is especially easy to do after one has children. They are so wonderful but they do zap you of a lot of energy and I have felt very conflicted lately. On one hand I feel like "wow this is powerful stuff....these children are so dependent on me." On the other hand I feel like "who am I?....Just Mommy." I feel like there is more to me than just "Mommy". However, by the end of the day I am just too exhuasted to search "me" out. I also don't feel comfortable in my skin (the extra weight gained over the years is not the me I want to project). I want to cultivate myself as a Muslim. I want to be a powerful force to be reckoned with. I want to command respect from others, but most importantly myself. So here is to the journey. Anchors Away.....Ships Ahoy....yada yada yada

Journey to SELF

Resolution 3: Homework Routine

Resolution 2: One Hour Only!

Resolution 1: Remove Stickers From Nana and Rara's Windows

A Year of Resolutions

What I Learned Today

SCRUMPTIOUS!

First anxiety attack...then VERA BRADLEY SALE!

Blahhh Asthma

I almost made it an entire year!

Seriously, I'm Lazy!

"hmmmm......((what to say next))"

By request...I will once again blog.

I will sew today!

Creativity!

Is dailylight savings time messing with you?

"Girls Day Out" and other "Random Thoughts"

Already Missing Her!

I love my house! Alhamdulillah

Are Danes Really the Happiest?

Magazine Obsession

Spring Cleaning! Hidden Treasures

*Giggle*

Settling In

"You just don't understand!"

"Noodles" and shout out!

Alert: Husband wants to go shopping!

Amazing Weekend.....Fantastic Attitude

Where have I been?

There are just days that a title doesn't come to mind!

People need to get their head out of the apples!

A release

FURRY!

Week 1 - Roasted Red Pepper Feta Spread

Week 1 - Roasted Red Pepper Feta Spread

I heart Target

Bachelors of Health Sciences????!!!!????

"I feel pretty...ohhh so pretty" sung in the wrong key!

Growing Pains

....What You Might Have Been.

Country Road.....!

Putting things off

Anybody Can Write!

Old Writing...Same Sentiment!

IKEA on the brain!

a job, a cat, and very little time!

Mother, Sister, Daughter, Wife...all around not very happy person!

A bit carried away

The four walls are caving in! Must get out of my humble dwellings!

What kind of sick behavior is this?

Ears, Eyes, and Throat

House of the Sick

Potty words!

Staring at the Calendar

*yawn* sometimes it's so hard to wake in the morning

No more lease on life...I want to BUY!

Anchors Away

Giggle

yawn sometimes it's so hard to wake in the morning