Sunday, October 28, 2007
A release
You know blogs are a funny thing. They are like a diary for the whole world to read. If your lucky you will come across jewels in the blogosphere. Raw emotions and amazing reflections on life. I feel that this is what happened to me yesterday. I was just catching a wave and I hit a big one. I have really been struggling lately with my faith. I don't struggle with the principles and I don't struggle with the absolute truth of it all. I have been waging a real spiritual struggle with myself. I am so scared to get connected. Not sure why. I mean what sort of horrible thing could happen if I just connect with the Creator. I feel that the rush and hurry of our lives in this society have just swept me away and I can't catch a breath. As a Christian growing up I always felt one day I would be traveling the world doing mission work. I wonder if the ache I have always felt was an ache for simplicity. I felt moving to the country would be a good start but I am still swept up in the current of western life. I think part of my problem is I have never really known real hardship. I have never experienced heartache in such a way that it rocks the very core of who I am. Hmmm not sure if that at all makes any sense but it's what I am feeling and well I thought I would throw it out there. Well enough of all that soul searching there are chicken corn dogs waiting for me in the kitchen. Dang those things are addictive.
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5 comments:
Assalam aleikum.
I followed your comment on Safa's blog over to your blog. I had a similar experience when I started reading her blog. I was a recent convert, as well, and it made me question everything. Alhamdulilah I made it through to the good stuff so that I would have the opportunity to see that in the right light. I've only been really truly practicing since about the 9th day of Ramadan this year. I have had so many blessings and SWIFT incredible and amazing answers to prayers, I wouldn't even know where to start. It only takes one of those to bring you to your knees, feeling full of gratitude and astonishment. Inshallah you will have that someday soon. (PS I a 25 year old single mother former Mormon, former atheist American, and I will probably be reading your blog when you post)
Well that makes two of us reading then! Hey Cherie...did u know that Egianqueen is a mormon? And I"m sorry if my blog hasn't always been the pristine islamic place that it should be.......sigh.
Safa
If you happen back on this post. I love your blog for what it is. Don't feel like you are letting anyone down if it doesn't meet the stringent "good muslimah" standard. We all struggle and we are all keeping our eyes on the prize of Jennah...Intention is so important.
Cherie,
Welcome to my journey. I have been muslim for about 10 years. I just sort of got stuck as far as the spiritual aspect a few years back. I am more focused now and I am learning to focus. I am really good at distracting myself with things that lack importance in the grand scheme of things. I had a coworker I worked with last year who was Muslim but grew up as a Mormon. How many kiddos do you have?
I did not know egianqueen was Mormon! Everything makes more sense now! Don't worry Safa, it was NOT your fault. Saying "it made me" was a total mispeak. (lol, I know that's not a word) It was my own stuff, and I became obsessed with polygamy, and all I could see was the injustice and the pain. It's not your fault for being the one who felt the pain.
Ummhana, I have one child.
In other news, I decided to start blogging. My son is not called Abdel Hakim, but I kind of really like that name now, so that's why I went for that. My son has an English name which my mother would have a stroke if I changed, so for now it sounds funny to be Umm name of my son. So.... Anyway.
PS Ummhana, I know about losing my spirituality. I do it at the drop of a hat sometimes it seems. It also comes rushing back that quickly. So, alhamdulilah. I wish I was good at giving advice. But I? am not.
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