*yawn* sometimes it's so hard to wake in the morning

Since it is so cold outside, I find it rather difficult to leave the warm shelter of my bed. However, it is quite difficult to ignore the frustrated cries of my lil toddler in her crib.
I dragged myself from the blissful warmth and threw myself into my daily routine. The girls and I had bowls of cheerios and some fruit. I know you are probably reading this yawning yourself. I don't think there can be too much excitement with simple routine. The girls really need the structure though. After breakfast Hana and myself proceeded to make up the beds and prepare for the morning video. (The reason I am even able to write this morning). Oh no here comes the lil one asking me to hold her. *Sigh* Now where was I. Oh yes the structured life of parenting. I often find myself wondering how I can meet their needs (stucture) and foster my own needs (spontaneous activities). *Pondering* ....*Still Pondering* I suppose I am not going to resolve that through sitting at the computer and writing my Blog. Anywhooo....I will leave it for now to go and throw myself into the warfare of diaper changing.

No more lease on life...I want to BUY!

Today has been quite a challenge. First it started off with my beautiful brown eyed daughter at my bedside at 4 am thrusting her sippy cup in my face with a "got milk" ultimatum. I could either get up and find my way to the kitchen in my groggy state or lay there ignoring her waiting for the inevitable sippy cup tossed at my head. So, I opted for the first option and spent the next hour trying to get her to go back to sleep. This was a great segway into making breakfast at 5 for my departing husband. I was finally able to crawl back into bed at 6 only to find my darling daughter at 7:00 at my bedside telling me her little sister was awake. She neglected to tell me that her lil sister was awakened by her own poking and prodding through lil sissy's crib. *SIGH* So I am now sleep deprived and would give my right arm for a nap. Although I feel that today I am walking around in a haze (sleep deprivation) I had a really great conversation with a friend on the phone. We talked a lot about not letting fear of failure keep us from things we wish to persue. I think this blog is a first step for me in my desire to write. In my head I'm always thinking that I would love to be a "writer" . You sort of have to write though to hold on to any hope to one day being addressed as such. The other thing we discussed that I have really been thinking alot about lately is the lack of present day muslim role models for girls and young women. I think it is wonderful to read all the stories of the past but we have to take those women and their character and model ourselves after them in such a way that we create present day role models. I also think that I talk a lot and dream a lot but don't act a lot. So today my goal is to devise new ways to move past the stage of thinking and discussing and actually act. It will be scary and that fear is going to be there. The fear of failure. But I am tired of just leasing life. I will write more on this topic later....when I can be a little more coherent and a lot less sleep deprived.

Anchors Away

I am a little excited and a little concerned about this journey. I feel this blog is just what I need to get ideas down on paper in a way in a safe environment. I have sort of been going through the motions of life lately....ok for years and I just feel I have lost myself somewhere in the process. It is especially easy to do after one has children. They are so wonderful but they do zap you of a lot of energy and I have felt very conflicted lately. On one hand I feel like "wow this is powerful stuff....these children are so dependent on me." On the other hand I feel like "who am I?....Just Mommy." I feel like there is more to me than just "Mommy". However, by the end of the day I am just too exhuasted to search "me" out. I also don't feel comfortable in my skin (the extra weight gained over the years is not the me I want to project). I want to cultivate myself as a Muslim. I want to be a powerful force to be reckoned with. I want to command respect from others, but most importantly myself. So here is to the journey. Anchors Away.....Ships Ahoy....yada yada yada